According to 69% of teenagers, memes are a neat way of sharing cool and hip references to a ton of folks. Let’s check it out!

If there’s one thing that any good le memer has, it’s manners and tastes that are objectively the best. When I asked some former students who I happen to know meme quite frequently, they told me that once they started adding huge white text above and below picture stills from popular media they couldn’t stop. “I noticed that I had grown a desire to let the beard on my neck grow wildly. I had purged the swag from my consciousness.” This is what one of the dank memers, Cade Born, had to say. “When I realized that I didn’t have to wipe the Cheeto dust off of my fingers or the Code Red Mountain Dew stains from my chapped lips, I knew that I had reached the next stage of human evolution.” As I was interviewing him, I noticed that he incessantly adjusted the black fedora on his greasy head. Could this be what mankind was destined for?

The Department of Homeland Security recently reported that there were over 9,000 confirmed meme gods in the United States this past Saturday. That number may not seem significant, but remember that every Proto-Memer has a legion of meme minions behind them. Some experts estimate that they are as many as 25 million of these goofsters and gaffsters in contiguous United States.

An0nym00seXxX360 was my next meme maker that I had the pleasure of speaking with. When I asked how he was doing that day, he used an MLG soundboard on his phone to play me an airhorn rendition of Darude Sandstorm. I assume that meant good by his measure. He told me that a normal day for him looks like this: “I usually wake up in my gaming chair after pulling an all-nighter on Call of Duty. After I open my eyes I start quickscoping and trickshotting some kids on Modern Warfare 2. I only use the Intervention of course. When I’m done with my morning session, I might go clean myself and make some food.” At this point I must confess that I didn’t sense a ton of hygiene from him, though I did notice an unsettling amount of AXE body spray littered through his house. He proceeded to inform me on his affiliation with the hacker group, Anonymous. “I’m kind of a big deal online. If haters try and push me around and cyberbully me, I just give ‘em a chuckle and start hacking. I find that a lot of 11 year olds on Minecraft servers can be really hurtful to gentlemen like me. I usually just tell them that I have their IP address and they quit picking on me.” I admired his confidence.

A change began to take place in me. I had spent the past day and a half in the presence of these kings among peasants and I began to become assimilated. Without control over my hands, I began to pirate My Little Pony episodes onto my custom-built PC. I bowed before le greeter at Walmart and addressed her as “M’lady.” I made a Reddit account and made sure to argue with everybody that defended any point I found to be inferior. My friends left me after I included the question “You mad, bro?” after each one of my pranks. I became a meme.

Meming, not even once.