Dear old people,

I am sick and tired of hearing the “responsible adults” of this country label our generation as entitled and lazy. As far as I’m concerned, the Millennials are the only fighting chance this country has to continue on as the greatest country in the history of the world. Hands down – no doubt about it – next question. In the next 5-10 minutes, depending on how slow you are reading(10 minutes for the intellectually challenged Generation X) I will lay out the logically flawless argument about why Millennials are the greatest thing to happen to this Earth since Elvis.

First of all, you old hags are always ripping on us for our low voter turnout. What they don’t realize is we have more important things to be doing with our time like bumping our “Twitter Game” or signing super meaningful petitions like the one in Britain to not let Donald Trump into England. Think about it, if it wasn’t for our generation, Donald Trump would be allowed into countries like England and I can’t think of any worse atrocity than that. Sure, the petition didn’t succeed, but that is irrelevant.

Second, knock it off with all this jibber jabber about us being on our phones too much. Your generations had the same problems with reading and I don’t see us acting like it was the end of the world. Air Academy student Samuel (no last name given) agreed, saying “Phones are cool mom, stop acting like you understand my life and just let me listen to Radiohead!” Another student Zach Reeder added “it’s pretty much a well known fact that reading kills brain cells at ten times the rate of cell phone usage.” His last name is “Reeder”, but “reeding” is the last thing on his mind.
Also, we are not “lazy,” we simply prefer to sit around all day. Just like Charlie Sheen doesn’t have a cocaine problem, he could stop if he wanted to. Either way, our lack of drive isn’t our fault, it is our predecessors fault for not instilling more work ethic. Pretty much any problem with our generation can be traced back to someone else, in particular the Baby Boomers. We also don’t have a problem with taking responsibility for things.

The Millennials are pretty much objectively better than every other generation in every way possible. We haven’t had any catastrophic miscalculations like Y2K or the 2000 Presidential election. You people act like we are the only generations with any flaws. As far as I’m concerned we aren’t the ones who didn’t formally abolish slavery until 1995 (see Mississippi). We also aren’t one of the generations that kept the Confederate Flag hanging on the South Carolina Capital until earlier this year, and the last time I checked it wasn’t a Millennial that cited The Onion in their defense (see Fifa Official), completely missing the excruciatingly obvious satire in the article.
Sincerely,
Millennials

p.s. Keep it cool with R&B Slow Jamz