Some Absurd News Stories…Proceed With Caution


Real news sounds like The Onion. The world is falling apart. Labeled for reuse from Pixabay.

Sometimes as I go through the news, I wonder if I accidentally opened a tab to The Onion. The world is a crazy place, and the news demonstrates just how strange it really is.

Case 1: Breast Milk Brownies

Mom reveals she used breast milk in bake sale brownies.

On Facebook, a mother posted about how she was running out of time to buy milk to make brownies so instead she used her own breast milk for her children’s bake sale, as one does. She went on to say the other moms at the bake sale were upset and she didn’t think it was a big deal. Though in the comment section, people brought up valid points on why this was not a reasonable course of action.

Personally, this was horrifying to me. And I am not alone. The scientific consensus seems to be that this is…pretty gross.

According to The FDA, “[when] feeding a baby with human milk from a source other than the baby’s mother…there are possible health and safety risks for the baby…exposure to infectious diseases, including HIV, chemical contaminants, such as some illegal drugs, and to a limited number of prescription drugs that might be in the human milk, if the donor has not been adequately screened. In addition, if human milk is not handled and stored properly, it could, like any type of milk, becomes contaminated and unsafe to drink.”

Cow’s milk, which most buy at the store, is pasteurized for safety reasons. Obviously.

But some people do drink raw milk, and to those people: What are you doing?

Case 2: Story Time and Sex Offenders

Houston Library apologizes after registered sex offender participated in Drag Queen Storytime.

Houston, we have a problem. Libraries are letting sex offenders have story time with children.

Having drag queens read to children is a concept certain libraries have been promoting, and it isn’t inherently a bad idea. It is supposed to teach children about acceptance and diversity.

But that’s not really the issue here, is it?

The main controversy arose when people discovered Department of Public Safety records showing that Garza, the drag queen in question, had been previously convicted of sexual assault of an 8 year-old in 2009.

Case 3: What Could’ve Been a Sketch on Comedy Central

Police accidentally pepper spray their OWN officers during protests outside of Bulgarian Parliament.

Wind will do that.

The title for this one says it all.

Case 4: Man Munches Meat Mocking Vegan Feminist

WATCH: Watters Eats Steak While Debating Meat-Eaters’ ‘Toxic Masculinity’

During an interview on Fox News with Jesse Watters, Anne DeLessio-Parson stumbled over her explanation of how eating meat is directly correlated with toxic masculinity.

Watters had her on his segment ‘Watters’ World’ after she gained prominence for her stance on “meat-centric culture.”

What made the interview truly cringe-worthy–beyond her obvious lack of evidence–was when Watters had a juicy steak brought out to him and began eating it in front of his guest.

Fox News is at its strongest, it seems.

Case 5: Flat Earth Philosophy Gains Prominence Around the World

Daft Punk remove ‘Around the World’ from back catalogue after becoming flat earthers

Is it bad that this isn’t even that shocking?

The fact that Daft Punk removed their song because it goes against some moronic belief that you can’t go around the earth really shows the state the globe is in today.

Case 6: American Exceptionalism at its Finest

Rubio Threatens Venezuela Invasion by Referencing American Military Disasters in Libya, Panama

“Yesterday, Rubio, who is effectively in charge of Latin American policy for the Trump administration, posted two images glorifying old America military invasions. Notably, both of those references — to America’s 1989 invasion of Panama and 2011 ouster of Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi — were violent disasters that led to avoidable U.S.-caused tragedies,” stated Jerry Iannelli from Miami New Times.

The thing that is most definitely interesting about this was it was actually done by a grown man, and a Florida senator at that. Rubio’s failure to acknowledge the complexity of the material he was referencing resulted in an inhumane post reminiscent of propaganda.

Unfortunately, it was not difficult to find these news headlines. It seems more and more, as a society, we are descending into the absurd. And, as long as there are wacky, bizarre and disturbing stories, you can count on journalists to report on them.