In what is now possibly the greatest scandal ever to affect administration at Air Academy High School, the Dean of Students, Julie L. Attias, has been dress coded by other faculty members for wearing a revealing outfit.

Mrs. Attias, who has been ridiculed for her strict enforcement of Air Academy’s dress-code in the past, was approached by another faculty member with concern over the article of clothing she was wearing. The 2016-2017 Student Handbook details that individuals wearing articles of clothing that “are disruptive, or potentially disruptive, to the educational environment” are subject to punishment by administration. In Mrs. Attias’s case, her garment fell under the category of being “inappropriately sheer, short, tight or low-cut,” as it was revealing both her ankles and eyes.

The high school, and district as a whole, has continuously adopted the policy that it is a woman’s responsibility to wear conservative clothing so that she does not distract male students or faculty. Men are simply incapable of controlling themselves at the sight of any part of a woman, and it is her fault for being so distracting and disruptive to the educational environment. It is an abhorrent crime under district policy for women to wear anything but a large bed sheet. However, the district also continues to publicly support women’s empowerment.

Under this context, Mrs. Attias was believed to be disrupting the educational environment by revealing her ankles and eyes. Male faculty and students could be seen flocking around Mrs. Attias in the hallway, drooling and biting at eachother like savages, as a consequence of her revealing outfit. The hallway reeked of testosterone and body odor as the males went berserk, pounded their chests like gorillas, and grunted in attempts to ward off other males and present themselves as the alpha male. As nature documentaries depict, the strongest males are the most fit for mating; the hallways of Air Academy had turned into a jungle.

As Mrs. Attias continued to walk down the hallways, flaunting her ankles, fights broke out among students in attempts to gain her affection. A riot broke out in the courtyard and trees were toppled. Windows were shattered. Small freshman were shoved inside lockers.

In the time span of only a few minutes, the entirety of Air Academy High School had devolved into a primitive battleground all because one woman wouldn’t keep her girls (her ankles, of course) from falling out. The revealing sight of ankles in such a conservative, law-abiding environment drove the savages of Air Academy wild.

Shockingly, Mrs. Attias had been a staunch supporter of the dress-code earlier in the year. She reported several girls for dress-code violations and ensured the policy was enforced to its fullest potential. Yet in only a few months, even the noblest of individuals had succumbed to the savagery of the high school environment.

In interviews with faculty members who were present at the scene, it became obvious what needed to be done in response to the event. One member of administration proposed the idea that “the dress-code needs to be even more restrictive and heavily enforced to prevent women from committing any further crimes like what was seen.”

Mrs. Attias has been blamed for the entirety of the situation, including all property damage, injuries, and disruption from class time. The district has responded and has made it clear that women will not be allowed to cause any more damage to the school environment and that any violators will be severely punished. As for the men who were responsible for going crazy, destroying the school, fighting, and leaving class, they were all let off with a mild warning; they were all advised to stay away from women in revealing outfits and to report any women exhibiting this type of sinful behavior.

Mrs. Attias declined to comment on the situation as police escorted her off campus.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to those that were injured by this detestable crime. It is a shame that women cannot manage to control themselves or their bodies and incite men to act like animals. Society truly has regressed.

To support the movement to tighten Academy School District 20’s dress code, please sign the petition at:

https://AprilFools.com/this_didnt_actually_happen

April Fools everyone, and Happy Easter. We thank Mrs. Attias for being understanding and cooperative for this special issue of the Jetstream Journal. The entirety of the staff appreciates the attentiveness and the work of administration that allows this publication to continue.