It might be a little late in the year to be giving out this sage advice now, but if you’re a freshman and you’re still struggling, these tips may come in handy!

Obviously the reason for being at school is to enjoy the academics and expand your knowledge in various subject areas. Being a freshman, you have your easiest year of high school ahead of you, but there’s a high chance that it’ll seem twenty times harder than it really is. The transition from 8th grade to 9th includes the transition from no homework to “I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK THAT I WON’T BE ABLE TO WATCH ARTHUR WHEN I GET HOME.” My advice is to have a mental breakdown between the doors going into D-building and the courtyard, where everybody can see you. Another way to avoid missing Arthur when you get home is to not do your homework; this is by far the most practiced and popular method for doing well in school. If you don’t do your homework, there’s a high probability that you’ll fail a required class, but don’t sweat it because you can retake it as many times as you need! Now that you’re a freshman, you’ve come to the conclusion that you know everything (welcome to the world of teenagers), which includes knowing more than your teachers; make it clear that you know more than them and make it clear who wears the pants in the relationship.  If at all possible, repeat freshman year (a.k.a the best year of your life) four times, then graduate. There are really only two valid ways that an awful freshman year can be avoided: get home schooled or drop out.

Your four years of high school are a minuscule portion of your existence so don’t sweat the h8ers . First and foremost, when in doubt, grow it out, because long hair don’t care. Everyone grows out of high school sooner or later and moves on. People forget; It’s what we do and if you let go of asinine stuff that happened in high school, then you only need to worry about yourself. “Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.” (Mean Girls). Whether it’s you making the snap judgments or vice versa, only worry about yourself because your thoughts are too important to be wasted on dumb problems.

Now that you’ve learned to ignore everybody else in the school… If you have a locker, embrace the open-door policy and always leave it open; keep it stockpiled with Oreos and Arizonas.

The strongest life force on planet Earth is hands down the human need for food and nourishment. No matter what class you’re in, always suggest food days, it’s a crowd pleaser. Stemming from the saying, “you do you,” I’d like to add that if you’re going to be you 100% of the time, eat lots of Snickers because you’re not you when you’re hungry. With all of this eating, beware of the ‘freshman 15’. In order to avoid this weight gain, you might want to get kalteen bars (they’re this weird Swedish diet that burns off all your carbs). Since finding a seat in the cafeteria is the high school version of trying to pick a seat on a Southwest flight when you’re flying solo, eating on a toilet in the bathroom is your next best option! Also on the topic of food, to the girls who think two pounds of makeup on your face is pretty and that you need it, I just want to know why you’re not covered in icing and being served at a birthday party because you have some serious cake-face.

Freshmen are the mushrooms of the high school forest. With the help of some really great social tips, they can become the tallest trees! First, spirit days separate boys from men; go hard or go home! By the end of freshman year, date everybody in your class; it won’t get awkward, trust me. (I’ve never been in a semi-long-term relationship so don’t take dating advice from me. What are boys?) There’s a common trend that you lose a lot of friends in high school, so start the year off by being everybody’s friend! Close up magic is cool too, so for every person you meet, pull out all the stops. Beware of the plastics; one time, one of them punched me in the face, it was awesome. Friending the entire school on Facebook, following everybody in the school on Instagram, and following everybody in the school on Twitter (@madzilladevil13) is also encouraged. Coining a catchy term or phrase is always a sure way of having a successful freshman year – just not fetch, fetch isn’t going to happen.  By the way, High School Musical is real, and WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! If you chose a life motto, chose YOLO because YOLO, that’s why. Showering is overrated, so don’t give into peer pressure. Hallway etiquette includes insulting any upperclassmen you see and stopping in the middle of the hallway. If you aspire to be a truly outstanding freshman, start a Freshman Fight Club! But getting in a fight might scare your mom and soon you’re living with your aunty and your uncle in Bel-Air. Go streaking at one major sporting event. When it comes to fashion, wear the crocs your mom bought for you on your 8^th half birthday! If the school gets too hot, just take off all your clothes because it’s definitely not public indecency you prepubescent beauties. However, ladies, modest is hottest and don’t you forget it.

All joking aside, my final piece of advice is for you to do you. It’s not worth compromising your personality to make memories that may not last through the year. No matter where you go or what you do, “there is no one alive who is youer than you.”

Good luck! xoxo