Hammurabi’s Code is a true masterpiece. I think he was really onto something with the whole “eye for an eye thing.” Sure, mercy is nice and whatever, but I mean don’t we prefer for the punishment to fit the crime, and it makes so much sense to have the punishment be the crime.

Why does the world not function under Hammurabi’s Code?

The other day, when it was snowing, I made a perfect snowball with perfect snowball snow and I was thinking about the perfect way to use my perfect snowball made with perfect snow. I ended up just throwing it at my dog and he didn’t care one bit. So, on my drive to school, I realized that I should have saved my snowball for a gate guard. I then was thinking, “what would happen if I hit him?” Seriously, what would be the punishment for that? I thought it would be so awesome if it were that I would get pulled over, then he would stand me off to the side of the road and a crew of MPs and gate guards would throw snowballs at me until they were tired.

I know that’s a slightly ridiculous situation, but it’s not entirely impossible! It seemed reasonable to me as a punishment, so I was thinking since there are prison rules, why can’t there be playground rules? Prison rules obviously means that there are no rules, but playground rules would be a less terrible version of Hammurabi’s Code.

As a kid, I distinctly remember that when we fought on the playground, we’d make it even by letting a victim do exactly what happened to them to their opponent.

I’m aware that this can quickly get out of hand because people always want someone who wronged to get it worse. If that mindset could be prevented, then there’s nothing wrong with the playground rules system.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but a finger for a finger only makes the whole world slightly maimed.

Speaking of passing on punishment to those who deserve it, this column must too be passed on. Finding a worthy reporter to take on the challenge of being unapologetically themselves is not easy. Fortunately, I have found a deserving subject to be the next writer of Unapologetically Maddy. Brady Becco, the torch is passed to you. Use your fire to burn up this website and the internet.