In case you were wondering, when we aren’t deep in the grind writing stories, we, as dedicated journalists, have quite a fun time being random, spontaneous, and just plain weird.  Throughout this school year, I’ve taken the liberty of secretly taking note of the weirdest things said in the confines of this classroom every silver day during first block, with the hopes that at the end of the year, the compilation will be a more than satisfying read. I will accredit the majority of these to the one and only Ryan Henley, however, every person in this class has been an outstanding part of these random moments.

Mrs. Steinke: “Nikol, why are there pizza rolls in my refrigerator?”

Jake: “Can I bump some traps? I will yell over the cuss words!” *plays Christmas* “Oh… and then this happens…” *Massive bass drop, turns into Christmas trap music.

Kenzi: “Stories are due January 1st to Mrs. Steinke.”

—- Maddy: “Well, I know what I’m doing on new years eve.”

Ryan:  *Music playing (as always)* Ryan and Brady have a dance off… using household dance moves:  The classic– lawn mower move.  The innovative– lightbulb change move.  The obviously necessary– Cook-things-in-the-microwave move.

Me: “Fun fact: There are only three words that start with dw…” *the day proceeds with the entire class trying to figure out the three… (In case you care: Dwindle dwarf dwell)

“Also, the only fruit with seeds on the outside is a strawberry.”

For the record, it’s anyway not anyways and toward not towards!

Ryan: “You know how I deal with bullying?  It’s called hospital or death.  Bully or get bullied.”

Me: *shouted all the way across the room* “Kenzi what is the grade of steepness of your driveway?!”

Maddy: *With urgency* “Quick! Write this down: whisk, possible sifter, spatula (or as Mrs. Steinke calls it, a pancake turner), and that sprayable butter stuff so it doesn’t go bad.”

Maddy: *walks into room with poise and confidence after cleaning the pancake batter spoon in the bathroom sink…* “Guys, the spoon is fricky fresh.”

The crooked clock incident, and the longest it has ever taken three teenage boys to solve a simple problem:

Mrs. Steinke: “Ryan. Jake. Brady.  Fix my crooked clock please. I have a department meeting in here at lunch and everything has to be perfect.”

*after a good 20 or 30 minutes:*

Mrs. Steinke: “You guys are slacking.”

Ryan: “I secured that bad boy nice and tight Mrs. Steinke”

Brady: *finally done* “Watch the time and place of this meeting get moved.  All our hard work for nothing”

Mrs. Steinke: “Ryan Henley, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Ryan: “Famous.”.

Ryan: *In no context whatsoever* “Inner beauty’s all that matters. A baby’s true colors show far before his or her first word is spoken”  Thanks Ryan.  Words of wisdom.

Ryan: “Russian girls are getting too small and suitcases are getting too big”  Don’t ask.

Ryan: “Sometimes it’s just too late to apologize, Mrs. Steinke.”

The Ryan Prom discussion:

Mrs. Steinke: “I’m not trying to make you fall in love Ryan, I just want you to go to prom.”

Maddy: “She’s just a bit of a fixer upper”

Ryan: “I don’t need a wingman, I just need some time with myself.”

Mrs. Steinke: “Ryan! Why am I in the dark after all these years?”

Nikol: “At least Senor Mondragon is on team Ryan.”

Mrs. Steinke: “It breaks my heart Ryan.”

Me: “I’m so symmetrical. Why are you not symmetrical?”

Me: “Ryan, What inspires you?”

Ryan: “Other people’s failures.”

A day of conspiracies (more commonly known as what happens when Brady and Jake get a hold of a dry erase marker):

-Obama IS Joe Biden.

-Obama was born in Kenya.

-Donald Trump is white.

-Mole people live in the sewers.

-Fluoride in everything for mind control!

-*in a super southern accent* If you slightly rearrange the letters of Abraham Lincoln, for example, take the two m’s from Abraham and the c, o, and i from Lincoln, then add a few letters here and there, you can clearly see that the rearrangement spells “COMMIE”.

-The a’s in both “The GreAt Depression” and “XanAx” are in the same place… You can figure out the rest.

-Pearl Harbor: December 7, 1941….. Christmas: December 25.  Way to go FDR.

– *All of the above circled on the whiteboard*  arrow drawn to: “World is Flat.”  Clearly, boys.

Me: “Sputnik would be an awesome name for a cat.”

Ryan’s outfit: “So the lobster shirt, I got from my grandma. The lobster socks? I think my sister bought them for me…”

Jake: “This song died! Why are we resuscitating it?!”

Mrs. Steinke: “Ryan Henley you’re the only good boy in this class.”

Ryan: “You’d be surprised how often my teachers say that, Mrs. Steinke.”