My fellow prom goers, there is a time in every teenager’s adventurous life to mess up, forget logistics, and make terrible mistakes that one will most likely regret for the rest of his or her life.  That time is decidedly NOT on the night of Prom.  Read on for some useful pointers and helpful tips to stay out of the code-red, “Oh crap I wish someone had warned me about this” zone.  We’ve all been there before; let’s just take extra care to not forget our common sense on one of the most historic nights of our high school careers.

Number one on the list of don’ts is simple:  Do not, under any circumstances, forget to pick up your date.  Nothing is worse than an unhappy teenage girl on prom night.  This mistake can be avoided by simply entering a reminder into your phone to drop by her house on your way to dinner with the guys.

You’d be surprised at how many people choose to smell less like a teenage garbage truck and more accurately like they had a fairly unpleasant encounter with a can of Febreze.  Gentlemen, I will say this once:  Febreze is not a substitute for an actual real life shower.  End of story.

Guys, however tempting it may be, do not take your lady friend to Hooters for dinner.  If you do give in and end up there, at least pay for your date’s “Double ‘D’ burger” and curly fries.

On a fairly serious note, do not tell your parents what they don’t need to know.  For instance, avoid mentioning your date’s criminal record, let alone your own trouble with the cops.

Also regarding parental involvement on the night of prom:  Please, for the good of the American teenage population, do not invite your mom or dad to dinner.  Or to chaperone the dance.  Unless you are highly determined to embarrass both yourself and your date, the idea of a parent watching you on the dance floor is just plain awkward for everyone.

Do not throw up.  Especially on your date.  That’s a big no-no.  Again, if you truly have to, please do yourself a favor and brush your teeth after the distasteful occasion.  You’ll want clean breath for the evening, so take some gum just in case that Hooters burger smell proves to be as persistent as your noncompliance to my advice.

I’ll let you in on a secret:  The nonrefundable mistake of all prom mishaps is quite avoidable if you can detect its oncoming from the very get-go.  In all the rush of preparing for the night of all teenage nights, please, I beg you to remember this one critical detail:  The dance is not casual dress.  Believe it or not, prom is a formal occasion so do not show up in your oversized hockey jersey or your mom’s old sweatshirt.

Now for the venue:  Don’t show up to the wrong place.  Don’t show up after the dance ends because then you will have undeniably missed the fun.

However tantalizing, don’t stay home and do homework.  My nerds, the pre-calculus can wait.

Guys, if she says she’s wearing a white and gold dress, be sure to wear blue and black to match because the freaking dress is blue!

Let it be known that on this day, you have been warned of a good number of common mistakes to avoid at all costs on prom night.  For your own good, be smart and save the mistakes for another day!