The Jetstream Journal

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Prom Date Needed: Please Inquire Below

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When April arrives, so does a stressful time in the lives of teenage girls across the nation:

PROM SEASON

As a senior girl, one might think I have my prom date locked up. Unfortunately, that is nothing further from the truth. I have no idea what senior prom holds, including who my date will be. I have tried desperately to find a date, with no luck.

For what it’s worth, my dad is equally confused, “I don’t understand Syd, why does no-one want to go to prom with you? You’re cute! Help me understand what’s wrong.”

My exes happen to hold that answer.

Luckily for you, I have interviewed previous dates and boyfriends so you are well aware of what you are getting yourself into.

Personally, I feel as though my best trait is my humor, perfectly showcased in this here article. Fortunately, my exes agree:

On a scale of “sitting in a corner” (1) to “I am talented at dancing” (10) I averaged a 7.5 on the ‘fun’ section. Which I personally feel is a low score due to some unnamed biases my exes my hold against me.

Another good insight into my aptitude as a prom date is the average amount of time you could spend with me. Thankfully, the answers range from “2 hours” to “Not enough”.

This means that even if you think I’m the worst date on the planet you would be able to spend roughly 2 hours with me. That is enough time to manage through pictures, dinner, and then ditch me for the actual dance.

Speaking of pictures, my average hotness was an 8, on a scale of sewer rat to Kate Upton. No promises I have the face of Kate, but hopefully I can manage at least a somewhat similar body type.

At the very least your mom would probably think I was cute.

Since all you’ve heard this far is how amazing I am it is time to bring me down to normalcy for a bit. As with all famous Instagram models, I too have some minor, minor, flaws.

Unfortunately, I may be slightly high maintenance.

On a scale of “no” (1) to “I live in Flying Horse” (10) I was ranked a solid 10. I did, however have one lovely ex, whom I broke up with over text, give me a generous 6.

Mental stability is another area where I may possibly have a slight weakness.

With a scale of “Britney Spears 2007” (1) to “President Obama” (10) I received a solid average of 6…with only one vote for “Brittany Spears 2007”.

That sounds like a sound investment to me: pay for my prom and I will most likely NOT shave my head and have a mental breakdown.

I did leave a section for additional comments which included

  1. “Didn’t smash at prom”
  2. “You’re ridiculous and I find this hilarious”
  3. “Information potentially inaccurate due to syd being my BFF”

Make what you will from these responses. I just think it’s impressive they responded at all.

Please enjoy my senior photos (and one with Lauren’s dog). If you search hard enough you can probably find me jamming in my car during lunch, feel free to come say hi!

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About the Writer
Sydney Grad, Reporter

Hello, it is me, your local soccer mom. My name is Sydney Grad and I love all things Chicago, unfortunately including the Bears. I am a four year varsity...

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