Soon enough, finals week will be over and we all look forward to the coming month full of relaxation, skiing, and Netflix. During the wonderful respite of Winter Break, we get to experience a time for gift-giving and celebration. For most, Christmas or Hanukah or Winter Solstice or Yalda or Pancha Ganapati or Kwanzaa or whatever the heck you celebrate at this time, is a time for joy and festivities. For others, the holidays concerned with gift-giving are an unnecessarily stressful time. Not everybody in the world is a talented gift-giver who happens to know exactly what you want. Sometimes we’re stuck with the less enthusiastic gifters, or the gifters who get stressed because everything that’s been pointed out to them as a perfect present has slipped their mind at the wrong time and they suddenly think that maybe you want a shovel.

I, Madeline Jahelka, have total understanding about what it takes to be a terrible shopper-of-presents. I always feel terrible when Christmas shopping, because I have no clue what people want. My family has this great tradition of perusing the shops that line Tejon a couple days before December 25, looking for the last stocking-stuffers or little trinkets that will light up the recipient’s face. When we take on Tejon, I do all of my Christmas shopping; the bulk of my holiday preparations happen a few days before the actual holiday. Not only does my shopping happen last minute, but it also happens out of desperation and obligation. Leading up to Christmas, I try to make a list of things that specific people in my family would like; however, as soon as I go to buy it, it’s never the right present. I don’t read people well. I’d like it better if everyone in the world had a “secret” wish list that people who want to buy them presents can access anytime without their knowing.

Maybe my brother, Phil (someone I’ll have to shop for soon), will paint a better picture of what I have to go through at this time of year. So, Phil is a genius and I love him, but he’s impossible to buy a gift for because I don’t know anything about his life. In all seriousness, if I ask him if he has a girlfriend or if he has emotions, he always replies, “That’s for me to know and you to squirm about.” What do I buy him? Since his nickname is “take-and-break,” I could buy him something indestructible, like a Nokia phone or 5-Hour Energy, because energy can’t be destroyed. Maybe I’ll give him coal, not because he’s been naughty, but because if he can find a way to put it under enough pressure and heat, he’ll have a diamond, which is relatively sturdy. Anyway, I have about 10 days to figure what I’ll get him.

To anybody potentially receiving a gift from a person like me, I’m sorry you don’t like socks and, “A friend is a gift you give yourself,” (Stevenson) so avoid picking anyone remotely like me.

Or, if no one is opposed to the idea, we could always just nix the concept of gift-giving!

Stevenson, Robert Louis. BrainyQuote. Xplore, n.d. Web. 16 Nov. 2013.