Diary of a Mentally Ill High School Student

photo labeled for reuse from google images

photo labeled for reuse from google images

Written below are direct quotes of Air Academy High School students suffering from mental illnesses.  

Having depression sucks.  A lot.  I think the worst part about it is the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness I would get.  I would feel like no one loves me or cares about me truly.  Not my boyfriend, best friends, or family.  I felt completely alone.  This really made me question [things] logically.  I knew I had friends and family who love me, but I still felt so alone and that was miserable.  No one could know how I felt, though.  I would wake up in the morning try to fix my swollen eyes and just go through the day asking if everyone was okay.  It was constantly gnawing at me that no one would ask how I was.  Though I was the one with the lack of love, I felt like I was always the one handing it out.  I would go around being friendly and outgoing just so people wouldn’t know what was going on.  When I did go home I would just lock myself in my room.  I would avoid my parents in order to avoid the anxiety that comes with their yelling and constant fighting.  If only they knew that I was bawling my eyes out while they were screaming about the dishes.

20% of teens have depression before adulthood.  Every 100 seconds a teen commits suicide.  It’s hard to see when these people are sad.  For most it’s almost unrecognizable, but these teens need you more than you realize.  If you believe someone in your life is suffering from depression please reach out to them.  Even a simple hug can relieve a day of sadness.  


School causes me to not have time for myself.  Whenever I try to sit back, relax, and enjoy time with my family over the weekend or holidays there’s always a nagging voice in the back of my head to check if I have homework, or how my grades are, or if there is any extra credit.  It never ends.  My heart would start to race telling me that I would have to get everything done right that second.  Never having a moment throughout the day to think about anything else.  It’s like I’m drowning.  During school, I have a hard time focusing because I am always thinking ahead.  You might think this sounds like a good trait, but imagine being assigned a project that you have a month to do and having a mental breakdown because you can’t get it done perfectly the night it’s assigned.  Imagine not having a decent night of sleep all week because there is “always something that I can get ahead on” according to my dad.  Imagine the only thing running through my head all day is how much work I have to get done, how much time I have to do it, and how I’m going to be able to cover up the bags under my eyes the next day.  It’s hard when just setting foot in my classes, especially my AP ones, makes me feel like I have an elephant standing on my chest.  I am always thinking about what I am going to do wrong or how hard the work load is, but I can’t take a break.  Ever.  I love school and the learning concept, I just hate that I can’t escape from the pressure of it all.  I am honestly scared of school.”

Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses.  Some anxiety attacks can cause students to not come to school.  Do not play anxiety off as “not a big deal.”  Students with anxiety feel like there is no off switch to their lives, and if you know someone with anxiety issues don’t ignore it.  Support is a big cure, whether it’s a walk in the halls or a friendly talk, anything helps.


Don’t eat that.  How many calories?  That’s too fattening.  Better stick with celery sticks!  These are only a few of the constant thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis.  It’s hard when no one knows that you’re hurting.  It’s hard when the only thing you care about is how you look in the mirror.  I couldn’t eat.  Everyone always says that they wish they had the willpower to starve themselves, when really I wish I had the willpower to stop.   I can’t focus on my school because the only math going on in my head is the calorie counting.  The only literature I read is the “ana” [thinspo] chat rooms.  I can forget about a social life.  Everyone is going off for lunch or socializing over a snack, but if I end up eating even a quarter of what they have I’ll throw it up in a fit of tears.  Not because I want to.  But because I can’t stop.”

Anorexia is the third most common illness in adolescents.  Anorexia has the highest mortality rate out of all mental illnesses.  If you feel that someone close to you if being affected by this disease, even in its early stages, do not hesitate to tell someone.  The faster you catch anorexia, the easier it is to save someone’s life.