Stories that begin with “When I was little, my mom wasn’t looking and…” never seem to end well, except to feature a traumatizing memory for a curious and adventurous youngster.

Kayla Wiitala: As a seven year old, her curiosity and childish desires got the better of her during a family trip to the Circus Circus amusement park in Las Vegas.  “I really wanted to ride the Spongebob ride,” so, being the independent kid that she was, her parents let her go in the line to ride it, meanwhile they would wait for her on the exit side.  The only problem was this: “The line was too long… so I just left.” Subsequently, as her parents waited for about an hour for her to get off of a ride that she never even got in line for, an impatient Kayla wandered the park looking for her parents… and never found them again.

Katie Rainsberger: Three-year-old Katie had just completed the dirty process of being potty-trained.  Like all other proud children, she was thus very keen on showing off her new talent.  In public. In a Home Depot. On aisle seven: the rows and rows of display toilets.  “Yeah, so my mom was off looking for wallpaper for my soon-to-be-born baby brother and I thought it would be a good idea to use one of the toilets for its true purpose.  Then afterward, my mom found me and grabbed me and we just ran out of the store.” Typical.  Those poor Home Depot people.  I wonder how often that happens…

Nikol Podlacha:  “This is a traumatizing shark story.” She was about nine or ten, and had moved away from Florida, but was back for a visit.  An adamant swimmer, she loved going to the beach, except for her fear of sharks.  “So I was always more comfortable swimming in larger groups because then there’s a lower probability of you being the one who gets attacked by a shark.”  One day, as all shark stories start, she was on her own in the ocean.  “My dad was chilling like a sunbathing seal on the beach and I was like, “Tatus [Daddy], watch. out. for. sharks.”  Because irony is prime for a storytelling situation, the moment she entered the water, she saw a shark slowly bobbing and weaving toward her. “I never got out of the water faster than at that moment.  I’m still afraid sharks… and alligators, and snakehead fish, and catfish, too.”  Lesson learned: don’t trust your dad to keep a lookout for sharks.

Maddy Jahelka:  I asked Maddy if there was anything traumatizing that haunted her childhood.  Her reply? “Yes. But I can’t talk about it.”

Saoirse O’Connor:  “I fell into an ant hole when I was little… so that was pretty awful.”  So there you have it, a real human has explored the depths of a cavernous insect home.  Who knew?

Kenzie Weller:  A three-year-old at a garage sale should not be left unattended with only an older brother to cause problems.  “I was just messing around in our garage in a crib that we were selling.  Somehow the brakes unlocked and there was no stopping it.”  Little Kenzie was launched into the ride of her life as the crib rolled down her 45 degree angled driveway, taking her with it.  Keep the brakes locked, people.

Ryan Henley: “So one time I was walking home from school and this man in a van pulled up to me-” I interrupt him and ask, “Ryan, is this a real story?” Pause… “It’s the story of thousands of children every year whose traumatic events go untold.”

Brady Becco: When asked to tell his traumatic story, he replied with a stare colder than his heart. Then replied with, “Never again.” We haven’t seen him since.  If you know anything about Brady’s whereabouts, please contact us.  Thanks in advance.

We all know that traumatizing events are hard to talk about, especially when they involve steep sloping crib rides, a Home Depot toilet aisle, a shark, or even ant hills.  Thank you to some of our Journalism staff for reliving your terrors.  It was for a good cause.