I resolve, you resolve, he, she, we resolve to become better versions of ourselves that never come to fruition because there’s nothing easier than lying to yourself this holiday season.

Nothing says happy New Year quite like unfulfilled promises. Everyone always thinks he or she is actually going to make a change this year but so far the only new habit you’ve picked up is dishonesty.

“I’m resolving to lose weight,” says anyone who ate his or her way through the holidays. Sure the gym is only 5 minutes away, sure workout clothes are practically your skin, and sure a mile a day keeps the diabetes away, but have you ever just taken a nap on the couch and not gotten up? That’s because that couch is where dreams actually happen (especially when you’re asleep).

Sometimes winter break feels like you’ll never go back to school or work because that would be the worst thing imaginable. While you laid on that welcoming couch, Netflix beckoned to you from some fancy DVD player or a laptop. You found yourself bingeing on all of Orange is the New Black and House of Cards or maybe even Bob’s Burgers. Getting back in touch with the real world can be a real struggle, so the obvious resolution is to watch less Netflix.

The ‘watch less Netflix’ resolution is one of the easiest to break because Netflix probably has MSG. Being a former addict, I can say from experience that Amazon Prime helps, and even Hulu can lend a figurative helping hand.

The idea of resolving to travel to new places is enticing, however, money. 3,000 buckaroos for a flight to Europe with a current euro to dollar exchange rate of €1 to $1.23, yeah, I think I’ll pass. Maybe travelling to new places can mean going to the backside of Pikes Peak instead of the usual front side, or trying the Thai restaurant next to the Rockrimmon Safeway.

Getting organized is probably the most challenging common resolution. Entropy is real. The universe is against order and resolving to go against the universe is not endorsed.

Resolving to get straight A’s next semester? It’s not impossible, but do not pair this resolution with a getting more sleep resolution. That’s not how school works.

Resolutions aren’t necessarily the best way to end bad habits or start new ones. The notion of having a point in time, when you wake up flawed one day and the next day  is a new day with a new you is nice, but unreasonable.

The ultimate resolution that sets anyone up for failure who has failed resolutions before is to not lie.

Abandonment of a resolution by early February has become customary. New years resolutions don’t usually work because making a change so quickly means letting other aspects of your life change too. Resolutions require a little dissolution too.