Santa: Fact or Fiction?

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Santa: Fact or Fiction?

A cynical child suspects this Santa Claus is a fake. This image was marked for reuse from Flickr.

A cynical child suspects this Santa Claus is a fake. This image was marked for reuse from Flickr.

A cynical child suspects this Santa Claus is a fake. This image was marked for reuse from Flickr.

A cynical child suspects this Santa Claus is a fake. This image was marked for reuse from Flickr.

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 With the onset of the winter season, there is one question sweeping the nation by storm: Is Santa real?

But, before we quite get into what the public thinks, who is this Santa in the first place?

Well, he is that present-giving, sled-driving, cookie-eating, milk-drinking, old guy that squeezes down your chimney to give you gifts on Christmas. He’s become an icon of the Christmas and winter season. Some might even say Jesus and Ol’ Saint Nick were pals back in the day, and Jesus was like, “Yo Nick, you should give everyone presents on my birthday and put those elves to use.”

That’s only a myth, though.  

But could this be true? Could he really be out there? The only way to know is through the power of the people! Equipped to bust this myth, I ventured into the halls of AAHS to ask this age-old question.

Sophomore Jett Neubacher had a clear and confident response. He explained, “Yes [Santa] is real, the movie ‘Elf” proves everything.”

Neubacher has a point; movies have to count for something. That syrup spaghetti was the proof, right?

Freshman Marek Eddares threw some logic into the equation, asserting that our dear ‘ol Sant Nick may be breaking a few laws of physics. 

Eddares said, “obviously a person that size could not fit down my chimney.” That is a good point, Santa, stuffed with milk and cookies, likely weighs up to 300 pounds! I decided to put this to the test using the power of science.

The chimney at my home is a normal, everyday chimney with a width of 3 feet, and a length of 5 feet. So, I went on my roof with a mannequin strapped with pillows that our experts deemed to be approximately the size of Santa, and attempted to stuff it in. About 4 feet down it got stuck, so a human of that size definitely would not fit in there without some major contortion skills.

Now my fireplace smells like burning plastic. I probably should’ve let my parents know that mannequin was in there before lighting the fireplace.

After this failed experiment, doubt was beginning to consume me. However, one Kadet tipped the scales more in Santa’s favor with some first-hand, anecdotal evidence. Sophomore Meghan Brazeau said, “Yes, Santa is real. [The North pole] is where my summer job is.” Looks like we’ve got a little elf under our own Air Academy roof!

Dean of Students Julie Attias contributed, “For sure [Santa is real]! If you don’t believe, he won’t come.”

Did you hear that? If you believe! All we have to do is believe to make Santa exist, just like Tinkerbell.

Biology teacher and football Coach Scott Grindie justified, “Santa is real because he’s a good man that does things to make people happy.” It is nice that all Santa wants to do is make people happy, as the point of his mission is to spread joy. 

But, just as I was about to give this victory to Santa, KMAC teacher Nicole Powell cast doubt into my mind.

Powell asserted, “No [Santa] does not exist because we have parents. And there’s no North Pole and no Elves.” Way to be a party pooper Mrs.Powell…

We tried reaching out to Santa to comment, but, all we received back was a cryptic tape. The transcription of said tape reads as follows:

“Hello, sorry for the long overdue wait, it was just uhhh…just getting in the season of Christmas yeah yeah and I’ve been really, really busy getting all the presents ready. You know what, my opinion on people thinking I don’t exist doesn’t hurt me because um, of course I exist, who else would be talking right now? I just believe its a natural part of the adolescent brain. And to anyone wondering, I can’t fit through the chimney because I’ve had a few too many cookies, so i just use ‘magic’ to break into people’s houses.”

At this point in the tape, all that could be heard was indecipherable jolly muttering and “hohoho-ing.”

In my own honest opinion, I do not believe Santa is real, just like that tape, it was completely faked for your amusement. However, I never said that the spirit of Santa wasn’t real. Hanging up decorations, baking cookies, and giving and receiving presents all fill people with the spirit of Santa.

So never give up on that, do not be a Scrooge!

All an all, it really depends on the person. If they want to believe, then just let them believe.

So what is your opinion on this? Is Santa real? Yes or No? Leave a comment!

Have a Jolly HoHoHoliday and a Merry Christmas!