The North and South


You’ve seen it all over the news: two neighbors divided by a past conflict with one another. One, a poverty-stricken society ruled by a cruel and dangerous dictator. The other, a peaceful people who face the dangers of their neighbors. The leader of our country, Donald Trump, has repeatedly made threats towards the vile north, while we do our best to protect the south. By this point, it must be obvious who I’m referring to, anyone who’s checked the news should know.

Of course, I’m speaking of none other than North and South Dakota.

The two states have been divided ever since the people of North Dakota were forced by propaganda and militarism into a dictatorship by their leader. In the year 1950, a war broke out between the two states. While many U.S. forces fought against the North Dakotian dictatorship, N.D. received heavy reinforcement from their more powerful neighbor, Montana. Many hillbillies and rednecks died in order to win, but in the end, the nation was split in two.

Now, North Dakota is a complete dictatorship, run by the dictator, Doug Burgum, who bickers with our leader, President Trump. Many citizens despise the debating between the two, however, as they see it as childish banter. For example, Doug Burgum once ventured to call Trump an old man. Offended, Donald Trump responded with “At least my water doesn’t have oil in it.”

In more pressing matters, North Dakota has been experimenting with missiles, leading to some panic in the rest of the world. They’ve even gone as far as to shoot missiles over their neighbors, Minnesota. Thankfully no one was hurt, as the missiles landed in Lake Superior.

The conflict has certainly attracted the attention of the rest of the world, and many people hold very strong opinions on the topic. “I think it’s dumb,” said Sean Riley, an AAHS student, “Also South Dakota will win because they have better music.” (Sean’s quite a fan of D-Pop.) There have been many others supporting the South Dakotans, however. Some of which have been incredibly insightful and heart lifting.

“I don’t want a war,” said Frances Rhea, “but I’m for the South because… umm… I don’t know.”

The threat of North Dakotans is continuously rising, and without the support of the rest of the U.S., it may very well rise beyond control. We can hope that our military and government can resolve this conflict before it ever rises again.

Editor’s Note: April Fools! This article is for humor purposes only, please do not perceive anything written inside to be factual, as it is meant entirely for your entertainment.