Everyone knows that High School Musical is the epitome of what high school should be. This timeless 2006 Disney movie incorporates every aspect of real world high school better than any other cinematic work ever made. The lunchtime musical numbers are very similar to the ones that occur in Air Academy’s own 45 minute lunch period. Not to mention the perfect dichotomy of cool-kid basketball playing jocks to the ever expanding theatre program within the schools social dynamic. It is as if the directors of the movie ripped a page off Air Academy’s autobiography and made it into a movie. Utter genius.

Now, as we draw near to the end of the school year, many seniors are looking on to the next chapter of their lives. For many, this is a strenuous time filled with anxiety of where to further their education in college, join the workforce, enlist in the military, or take a gap year to figure things out. Look no further, High School Musical has all of your fates sealed.

Before we delve into the future, we must check off some prerequisites first. I assure you all have found the Gabriellas to your Troys, or the Troys to Gabriellas, or the Troys to your Troys, or the Gabriellas to your Gabriellas; because it is 2017 and we live in America. I digress, also by now you should have your ideal colleges picked out. But if you are a boy, your teacher should have secretly applied you to Julliard and now you are eligible for a scholarship to the most prestigious drama school in the country. This clashes however with your father’s dreams for your to play college basketball. The pull of the arts and athletics should be eating at you and tormenting your thoughts until this point. On the girls’ side, you should be looking at the most prestigious university in the western US, Stanford. Oh, but your life isn’t easy either as you must decide between the college of your dreams and the boy of your dreams.

Okay, all set? Checks in every box? Let’s see what you should do.

By this point you should have worked out a lot of your issues through the remedy of song. Singing out your problems is the only way to find a solution to them. Your senior musical should be working out the kinks of your friend group and showing the antagonist their flaws and making them come to their senses. Once a lot of this heavy lifting is over you can start making decisions.

First the Troys: sorry fellas, but you won’t be receiving that Julliard Scholarship so any hopes to one day be on Broadway are squandered in that very moment, or are they? Looks like you’ll have to follow your dad’s dream and play shooty-hoops at the University of Albuquerque after all, or will you? Too bad you won’t be able to go to school with your smoking hot, incredibly smart, musically talented girlfriend, or will you? Turns out you can do all three! Yup, you can go to the University of California at Berkeley to play basketball, be a part of the drama department, and be close to your girlfriend all at the same time! It’s like a Disney ending but in real life. Don’t worry about the logistics of applying and getting into a UC school in the middle of the spring semester, being recruited by a D1 basketball program, or getting into a nationally recognized drama program last minute, these are minor details.

As for you Gabriella’s, Stanford is where you belong. You are smart, beautiful, funny, and talented all in your own right. Stanford would be lucky to have a gem like you. Now I realize that Stanford only has a 4.8% acceptance rate, but if you all fit this criterion, you will all get in. Even if there are 100 of you, every Gabriella gets into Stanford, hands down no questions asked. While you are studying at one of the most prestigious universities in the world, you can still make time to visit your hunk of a boyfriend an hour away.

Your lives are completely open from then on. The world is yours. Dream big kiddos.

Now that your path in life has been paved with the golden bricks of happiness, you can enjoy your graduation. Make sure to sing a lot and let your feelings pour into the song. No need for coordination or preplanning, if you are popular and you start singing, everyone else will enviably join in. You can all walk across that stage at graduation in camaraderie knowing that you did everything you possibly could to make your senior year the best one on record.

To all the seniors that will be leaving us on the 15th. Remember where you came from and what makes you unique. Reach for the stars and never give up. Let things fall in your lap. You don’t have to go to class to graduate from any school, hanging out in the drama room or on the rooftop will always suffice. And finally, be fabulous, that is my simple request.

Thank you for tuning into Half Wit humor this year with Carter and me; we have really enjoyed trying to make you laugh and we hope you continue to read this fine journal for many years to come.

Tha tha tha tha that’s all folks! 🙂