May the 4th Be Cancelled

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May the 4th Be Cancelled

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The current leader of the Star Wars community recently signed an executive order stating that National Intergalactic Star Wars day would be canceled this year due to a contract dispute between Disney and Rian Johnson. Although the terms of the dispute have not yet been made clear, it is suspected that Disney disagreed with Johnson’s decision to erect a space blockade in order to control the growing number of Jawa immigrants to the Earth system.

Star Wars Day, held on May 4 each year, holds a special place in the hearts of many devout padawans wishing to express their love for the series via their raging sabers. Each year, fleets across the galaxy converge on the Earth system to bond as a sci-fi fan club in dark basements and closets at their parents’ houses. It’s a great time to share your passion for old robes and LARPing.

Fans across the galaxy have been outraged with the executive decision and feel that they have been betrayed by their leader. Adam Solo, a local Wookie enthusiast, expressed his opinions on the topic moments after the decision was made public. “I feel my trust has been violated. I elected Johnson to direct Episode VIII in hopes of making Star Wars great again, and he turns around to tear apart our Jawa brethren and produce a crappy trailer to Episode VIII: The Last Jedi.

Other, slightly more aggravated fans, have decided to express their views with a display of force. Naboo, Southern California will be hosting a joint rally between the SW community and Comic Con on May 4th known as “March on Naboo.” Through this demonstration, enthusiasts hope Johnson will recognize the value of all Intergalactic species, not just his own systems. We had the opportunity to exchange a few words with Jar Jar Stinks, the organizer of the march, on the topic…

Jetstream: So Mr. Stinks, how long have you been living with your parents?

Stinks: Well when I was 26 years old I saw Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and decided to devote my life to Lego Star Wars. I saved up my weekly allowance and splurged on the Millennium Falcon 3000 piece set. From then on I never had enough money for food or a flat so I just decided to crash with my ‘rents. They let me hang up three of my posters (even the Princess Leia one), and I can still wear my Wookie costume around the house, so I guess you could say it’s a pretty good setup. I’m 37 now and upgraded to the Ewok collector’s edition mini fridge, it really brings the place together nicely.

Jetstream: What do you plan to achieve with this march?

Stinks: For all my life I’ve been pushed around by others. I’m constantly mugged on my landspeeder motorcycle, my parents are always making me pick up my clothes, and I had to endure Cartoon Network’s Clone Wars for three years. Hopefully, this march will let us raise a Tusken Raider cry to the oppressiveness of the empire.

Jetstream: Any other information for your followers?

Stinks: If you plan on coming out we will meet at the computer science building in Naboo palace at 0800. Make sure to bring lots of sunscreen and your retractable lightsabers in case things get a little out of hand. Jedi and Sith alike are welcome.

The executive order will be challenged in the Galactic Senate this Tuesday but the likelihood that they will ever agree on anything is extremely slim.

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