Daddy Issues in DC

The White House

photo via wikipedia under creative commons license Feb. 23, 2015 “The President’s daughter Malia stopped by the Oval Office one afternoon to see her dad and, while they were talking, she wiped something from his face.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

Malia Obama will forever be remembered as one of the most influential White House residents ever. Frat lords and party animals across the nation can look to her endeavors for inspiration. The President’s daughter has proven to be great role model to America’s youth during her two terms.

As of Spring 2016, Malia Obama opted to attend Harvard University following a “Gap Year.”  So far, she has been her time wisely. Although she is not actively attending an academic institution, Malia has found herself involved in many extra-curricular activities.

Malia was seen participating in her cultural immersion studies last month at Lollapalooza. The president’s daughter was observed, via snapchat, performing a regional dance at the music festival. Her astounding routine involved graceful hip movements accompanied by an elaborate hand routine. American citizens were enraged when the soon-to-be Harvard student accidentally snagged her shirt when performing the dance, revealing her undergarments. Give her a break already, it was an accident. Pop dancing is not the easiest thing in the world. Teaching all the young children how to twerk is a strenuous task.

The 18 year-old also politely puffed on a suspicious substance to appease the party-goers at the event.  It’s not certain but Malia quite possibly had a brief encounter with the Devil and his lettuce. Once again, the political community was outraged by her actions. Well great, a young woman found a way to unwind after a long day on the grind, literally. Everyone knows shopping for new dresses with tax-payers’ money is exhausting. Malia Obama obviously got the talk from her father, who showed America how to properly smoke in some throwbacks of him lighting up. Following the event, Malia sarcastically sported a casual “Smoking Kills” T-shirt, demonstrating to America it’s okay to spite your parents even if they happen to be the President of the United States.

Actions of the first daughter, however, come as little surprise to a majority of the public. In October 2015, the then 17 year-old downed several shots next to a beer pong table during a Brown University college visit. High school students across the nation rejoiced at Malia’s actions. The world may never know… how many shots until she rollin? – Drake

More recently, Malia was photographed at University of Pennsylvania. While she was there, she decided to attend a small fraternity “get together.” Here, some students captured her, unaware, next to a larger-than-life sized bong.

All of our lives children are taught not to party, “It’ll get you nowhere in life” distressed parents argue. Once again, Malia shines as an example, disproving false stereotypes. Did I mention she’s going to Harvard?

Change and revolution have always found some ties with Washington D.C. From peaceful protests to riots, many have presented themselves in front of America’s capital. Malia is no exception. Although she hasn’t yet risen to legendary status like the Bush daughters—who attempted to purchase alcohol with fake ID’s during their father’s first term—Malia has definitely had an influence on pop culture today. Good ole’ Teddy once said “I can run the country or I can attend to [my daughter], but I cannot possibly do both.” Well it seems Obama doesn’t have to worry about a single thing.